Completely Frustrated

So, I go home for lunch today and my phone rings….it’s Garrett’s teacher calling me, and she’s trying to get Garrett on the phone to tell me what he’s doing….he’s really hesitant to talk as he knows when she calls me, he’s in trouble. Well, apparently some little boy peed in a bag in the classroom today, and Garrett was picking on him. Well keep in mind I’m in total shock about the boy peeing, but since he’s not my child the situation can’t be discussed with me….and trust me, I have a ton of questions on how something like that could have ever happened….but anyways, all of the kids were picking at the boy, but Garrett was the only one that wouldn’t stop when he was asked to do so, so she called me….I talked to him, made him apologize to the child and threatened him! He assured me that he would stop….so I told his teacher the jist of our conversation and assured her that he would stop. I swear it wasn’t two minutes later, and my phone was ringing again. Garrett had chosen not to listen to either I or his teacher, and was still teasing the child. I threatened a bunch of stuff this time (the Wii, the Nintendo DS, his computer) and he swore to me that he would stop…so once again he handed the phone back to his teacher. She kinda hinted that she wanted me to come pick him up, but we’re short on people at work (vacation time), Shawn was working, and his Dad works about an hour away….I just politely said we can’t come get him….she told me that if he continued, she would just send him to the office. ….Okay….I hang up the phone, eat lunch…head back to work, and called his Dad….while I’m talking to his Dad on the phone, the school is calling my cell phone and left me a voice mail). It’s not his teacher this time, it’s the Asst Principal telling me that Garrett had been in her office and that since it is his second time in the office this year, a hearing would be needed and that I had to be at the school in the morning for this at 8:00. Okay so I call her back, and we talk for a few minutes…I push the subject about the boy peeing in a bag…she too said she couldn’t discuss it but that she could guarantee that it was being handled….she said that Garrett got sent to the office for not listening. He actually had stopped picking at the boy after the second phone call, but had taken it upon himself to get a bit of an attitude and not listen to the teacher at all, and not do anything that he was asked to do (i.e. his work and such), so his teacher felt like she had no other choice but to send him to the office…..well after 15 minutes in the office, and scheduling the hearing for in the morning, she sent Garrett back to class…..so by the time I called the Asst Principal, he had gone back to his room, but as we were talking, he was sent back to the office…..apparently when he got back to class a couple of the children in his class started picking at him about having being sent to the office….so Garrett (as if he’s not in enough trouble already), picked up a book and flung it across the room….so like I said, while I’m talking to the Asst Principal, he walks back into her office….so I talk to him briefly, and then told Mrs. Chapman that I’d see her in the morning…..well I know this behavior isn’t acceptable at all…I know that, but I also know that all the disciplining that happens, takes place at my house, and that there are never really any consequences for his behavior at Richie’s house. I also made so many threats today on the phone that were harsh, and now I have to follow through on them…I just don’t know what to do….I am at my wits end, and my ex is no help, all he says is that he was just like that when he was a child and that his parent’s tried to beat it out of him, which of course didn’t work….I won’t say that I haven’t spanked Garrett before, but I typically don’t and I try to use other alternatives, but today, I said I’d spank him too on the phone….I just sooooo wanted him to be good….now I have to spank him, and take all of his fun things away, as he has to know that I mean business and this continued behavior cannot go on (and yes, this is not our first dealings with his behavior at school and his temper and such)….My ex doesn’t feel like Garrett needs any help dealing with his anger & behavior, and that he’s just gonna have to learn how to deal with it….I just don’t want to go home and spank my kid….I just want answers, and to understand why he is doing this…..I am just so frustrated because I feel completely helpless in this situation, and now I have to punish my son….and all I can think about is what my parents used to say to me when they would spank me…..that it hurt them more than it hurt me…..well then I was like yeah right, but now, as a parent I completely understand where they were coming from….what to do, what to do….